California is a political basket case, so it's little wonder that the race for Jane Harman's old congressional seat in the 36th District is a frenzied mess already. The election hasn't even been set, and the tentacles of political machines are reaching deep into the fray.

It already has two Democrats jumping in - Janice Hahn, a Jane Harman clone without the brains, looks, or money, and California Secretary of State Debra Bowen. As far as I can tell, neither would run for the big brass ring if Harman-Soros had not given the okay. But why would Harman-Soros give the okay to two Democrats?*

Because California now (thanks to a weirdo measure that just passed in November) has an open primary system.

This means the top two vote getters, regardless of party affiliation, get to run in the general election.

As a result, we'll probably end up with two Democrats running against each other in the general election. Thanks Arnold Schwarzenegger! You championed that piece of cr@p. Everyone with an IQ above room temperature knew you were a collectivist plant for the Kennedy clan. Thanks for that. Yay us!

Which is exactly what the professional politician class in California wants. Gum up the works with as many candidates as possible so that liberty is out, and collectivism is in. Not just any collectivism, mind you, but that particular brand that gets Harman and Soros as much money as possible through defense contracts and selling dual-use technology to Iran, Russia, and China. Because Harman simply must preserve Bob Livingston's VIP tickets to the Shakespeare Theater Club in D.C.

Speaking of professional politicians, a quote from the quintessential film about California byzantine machinations:

'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. - Noah Cross, Chinatown

Which I suppose makes Harman doubly respectable, as she qualifies for two out of three attributes (and no, she's not an ugly building). If you doubt the whore part, just ask Larry Flynt, who is uniquely qualified to know one when he sees one.

Rather than retire before last November's election, Harman took one for the team to prevent a Republican (Mattie Fein) from winning. As a reward Harman now gets to work at a Soros think tank, and has left her district with the costs of a special election. Thanks Harman!

Speaking of whores, allow me to introduce you to some Republicans: Ron Nehring, Steve Kuykendall, Harvey Englander (well, Republican-turned Democract) and Mike Webb.

They are professional politicos, and make their living off both sides of the aisle. Ordinarily they screw things up for local constituencies in California, but they've got their beady eyes turned to the 36th district, too.

As you may know, Ron Nehring was (supposedly) the California Republican Party fifth columnist Chairman last year. He helped lead the Republicans to utter defeat and shame in California in 2010, with help from the Willie-Brown run database PDI.

Databases are crucial to running campaigns. Voter outreach and communications are key. You want your information to be good, and you don't want your opposition finding out who your volunteers are, or even what sort of queries you are running on the database. So naturally, you wouldn't want your database to be run by Willie Brown political hacks, the very people who want you defeated. Unless, of course, you are Ron Nehring.

No, if you're Ron, instead you work with Meg Whitman to force as many local, state and federal Republican candidates in November 2010 to use the opposition's database, so you can be damned sure everyone gets lost in the fog of war and is defeated.

Thanks Ron! You're a true chum to liberty.

Slink off in embarrassment after the 2010 losses? Not if you're Ron!

Instead, he gathered a bunch of Republicans together this weekend in an undisclosed country-club bunker. Supposedly the meeting was to gin up support for whoever is picked by the NRCC (National Republican Congressional Committee) but the Power Point presentation he threw up on the screen was obviously designed to make Steve Kuykendall look good enough to run again. And Kuykendall pretty much admitted at the meeting that he was going to run.

Little known fact: Power Point is almost as good as embalming fluid.

Nehring also said at the meeting that the CRP was going to pass off the final decision of who they were going to support to the NRCC.

And we all know that Republican D.C. insiders just totally understand California politics, dude.

For instance, Shawn Steele (R), has been overheard to say that a Republican can't win in the 36th, but that probably isn't going to stop him from soliciting donations for the CRP off the notoriety of the 36th special election. So there's that. Donate to the guys who don't think they can win.

Any takers?

Buehler? Buehler?

I suppose there is money to be made as a professional loser, which brings me back to Kuykendall (R), who used to be a congressman in the 36th, then lost to Harman in 2000. Lately, he co-consulted with Harvey Englander's political consulting firm, the same firm that helped Jane Harman (D) run for Congress only a few short months ago.

Perhaps Ron has the time to orchestrate such things for Harman Republican plants because he doesn't return phone calls placed by Republican candidates in his state, or, as I've recently heard, from organizations like The Republican National Hispanic Assembly. I guess because there are no Hispanics in California. Either that, or Ron is basically a moron.

Speaking of morons, let's turn our attention from the embalmed (Kuykendall) to Mike Webb (R), Redondo Beach City Attorney. Webb, on the face of it, seems like a good candidate. He was just interviewed today by Andrea Mitchell of NBC / MSNBC. No doubt Andrea was influenced by her friend Harman to try to maneuver Webb into being the front-runner. Now why would Harman-Soros do that?

Perhaps because Harman-Soros knows that Mike Webb's political consultant is none other than Tom Shortridge.

Don't know Tom Shortridge? He's a convicted sex offender. Check out his rap sheet here (it's a big PDF file, I suggest downloading rather than trying to open directly) or here as a plain-jane HTML. He likes taking revealing photos of underage girls.

So Mike Webb is the Redondo Beach City Attorney: either he is too stupid to check out his political consultants and doesn't know that the guy he hired is a sex offender; or he does know about it and is ignoring it. Why would he ignore it if he knows? Hmmm. Either way, he really is dead in the water now.

From the executive summary of the PDF I've linked:

Thomas P. Shortridge was arrested on or about February 21, 2001 for multiple Felony counts of child molestation, along with misdemeanor criminal acts with underage girls employed at his political consulting business. Mr. Shortridge, and others protecting him, willfully concealed his arrest and conviction record when he applied for the alternate position to the Republican National Convention.

Mr. Shortridge's cousin, Rene Orefice, Southern California lead person for the re-election campaign of President George Bush, knew of Shortridge's arrest and has actively worked to conceal the arrest records of her cousin Shortridge from National Republican Leadership. Since Mr. Shortridge's arrest and conviction, his cousin Rene has become the lead person for Shortridge's political activities. Protected from public view, Mr. Shortridge is the unseen treasurer for many Republican campaigns, making his living providing campaign financial services unbeknownst to them, protected by Rene Orefice and Rudy Svorinich.

Loverly.

So who ISN'T tainted by Harman-Soros or sex offenders (and really, both are nearly equally despicable)?

Mattie Fein, for one, but unfortunately she won't be running in the special election for a whole host of reasons, many of them related to the issues listed herein: bad Republican infrastructure.

The only candidate so far that I've been able to find who isn't tainted is Craig Huey (R). But he still has a tough road to hoe, with the CRP and the NRCC seeming to be ready to line up for Kuykendall's Harman-Soros-tainted embalming fluid. If the NRCC and the CRP can't orchestrate a win, at least don't push losers who are "well connected." Huey's an outsider and a businessman. Give him a try.

Jeez. One would think that the proper thing to do as party apparatchiks is to remain neutral, host some debates between the candidates, then throw the full weight of the party behind whichever candidate prevails.

Then again, I don't know anything about politics.

Suddenly it feels like November all over again, with California Republican party hacks (The Industrial Loser Complex) orchestrating a loss for their own side. Because they're so damned good at that.

For instance, Kuykendall was defeated in a fairly benign Measure P for Marymount College in November, along with his political consultant buddy Harvey Englander, the hot-tempered lackey and former campaign manager of Jane Harman.

Some suspect Steve and Harvey took a purposeful dive on the measure (despite being paid very well by Marymount and the unions) with an ill-timed robocall. Apparently it was placed accidentally very late at night, the evening before the election, and drove opposition to the measure big-time. Who the hell wants to be called that late at night on an insignificant measure over whether Marymount College can expand its campus?

The little old lady from Pasadena Torrance was not at all pleased to be woken by robo-Kuykendall.

The political ineptness of the California Republican Ring knows no bounds. First, lose the red wave in California for as many candidates as possible and give the whole thing over to Jerry Brown. Check. Then lose it all over again with a Republican with shadowy ties to Harman.

Beautiful.

Yes, what we all need is Republican Soros-Harman candidates in the race for the 36th district to face down the Democrat Soros-Harman candidates. Thanks but no thanks, Ron et. al.; you did enough for Republicans in California as it is. Don't you have money to make somewhere else? Surely you can get yours without accidentally incompetently purposefully selling California to Iran, Russia, and China.

Aw, screw it.

It's Chinatown, Jake.

** Update 2/23/11: I've been told that Bowen was actually passed over by Harman-Soros and is totally pissed that she was given the shaft in favor of Hahn, especially when she thought she was the favored Harman-Soros crony. It is an unfortunate truism of California politics that there's always a better suck-up than you waiting to take the big brass ring away.

Update 2/23/11: We're still waiting on word of Marcy Winograd's intentions this election. For those who don't know, she ran several close bids to unseat Harman in the Democrat primaries. I've heard that she is considering running as a "decline to state" (read: Independent). I hope she'll consider running as a Democrat. She would be the only honest one there. While Hahn and Bowen both pay lip service to Israel (while hanging out with backstabbers like Harman, who sells dual-use technology to the Waiters-On-The-12th-Imam), Winograd is outright for complete divestment with Israel. Because comparing Israel to Iran isn't two pennies short of a full dollar. I'd rather have one honest Democrat running than two smart enough to lie their asses off to a highly Jewish district.

Also, she had Ed Begley Jr. endorsing her in the last run. So there's that!

Update 2/23/11: Accidentally typed in ABC instead of NBC / MSNBC for Andrea Mitchel's home planet, my bad.

Update 2/24/11: Welcome Ace of Spades readers!

Update 2/26/11: Marcy's in! Wahooo!

What do you do if you're Rendodo Beach city attorney Mike Webb (R) and want to run for Congress? Hire a sex offender! Then get interviewed by Andrea Mitchell, who works for NBC / MSNBC, which has ties to Jane Harman! Wahoo!

Steve Kuykendall says: Jane Harman is my sister! My mother! My sister! My mother! Well, whatever the hell she is, she made money for my buddies - and that's what it's all about, right? By the way, can I robocall you at three o'clock in the morning to get you to measure my pee?

Ron Nehring says: We're going to keep using the PDI database and cram it down everyone's throat! So what if it's run by Willie Brown Democrat operatives? I'm Ron Nehring, and it's not for nothing that my head is too big for my body! Cower before my big head! Cower, you peasant, and mow the turf at my country club! While I sing "I got da powah!"

Harvey Englander contemplates how he can please his emperor in her efforts to wipe out Alderann with George Soros. Sure, he quit Harman's campaign when people started giving him sh*t about working for an Israel backstabber, but it was a little late for a conversion. All those Ewoks are still dead.

Jane Harman says: You have done well, my young apprentices. Now, perhaps, we can destroy Israel through our proxy companies for the uber-emperor, George Soros. Peel me a grape, Kuykendahl, or however the hell you spell your name, and take a dive for the cause of your retirement accounts!

Next up for Ron Nehring after assuring defeat for so many in his own party in California: he tries to figure out how to pump Mullray water into Playa Vista gas pockets while avoiding the gaze of Jake Gittes!

From Left to Right: Englander, Nehring, and Kakeydoll figure out astounding new ways to betray liberty, state and country through zany physical slapstick! Why it's a laugh a minute! Yuck yuck yuck!

RoboKuykendal says: It's three a.m.! Do you know where your phone is? Pick up the phone! I have an urgent message that you simply must hear! Ready? Here it is: Vote Prop 69, which makes pomegranate juice the official drink of Long Beach. For our COMMUNITY! For our CHILLREN! Okay, you may now go back to sleep.

Building a bridge for tyrannical collectivism. Madness. Madness!

If Marcie Winograd doesn't run, the world shall await with baited breath for Ed Begley Jr.'s endorsement. Will it be Hahn? Will it be Bowen? The real question will be, can he make it to the polls in his latest electric car or will he have to ride his bicycle?

Sent back in time from the future to ensure that Kaleefornya can be conquered by Nazi-sympathizing descendants of Joe Kennedy and Maria Shriver's chin.

Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores.